A Particularly Uninspiring Trend From The World Of Instagrams

I once was reading some dating advice material where a guy had interviewed some of his hot girl friends about what they were thinking about when they first meet a guy.

It was a survey of questions and the girls were asked to pick which ones applied to them and their mindset as they first meet a guy.

The question that received the most votes by far was: “Does this guy’s coolness level match my hotness?”

In order for a guy to have status with a girl, the girl must perceive that he is ‘cool’ —¬† a word denoting a mixture of confidence, non-verbal communication, and presentation — and cool enough to warrant attention from her, as much as she perceived her own beauty.

I thought it was an incredibly accurate survey, and describes the phenomenon that all of us guys encounter as early as elementary school. The pretty girls go with the cool guys… that’s just how it goes.

Over time, new cool guys come into town and are welcomed by the pretty girls in short order because, well, their coolness level is at par or better with their beauty level.

If a girl is not that beautiful, then she will be willing to hang around guys that are not as cool, respectively.

Again, you see this on the playgound and in elementary school. I personally saw it, but could not put my finger on what was happening. It was just a phenomenon you observe and you wish you understood.

Now we have words for it.

I consider myself to be a solid 7. This means that girls who are 8s and higher (in the USA) generally do not give me the benefit of the doubt, and I have to be really sharp on the day I meet them to pass their tests for ‘coolness’.

Girls that are in the 7 range will generally talk to me, and if I am sharp, they will be attracted to me. My coolness is about at the level of their attractiveness.

Girls that are 6s and below are practically always into me. They do not represent a challenge to me, and because I feel less needy around them, that increases my attractiveness / coolness to them even more. (Ya know how that works!)

The next chapter of this phenomenon, though, is one that is happening right before our eyes. It is the phenomenon of Instagram- namely, online photo posting for all the world to see, as well as ‘liking’ and ‘following’, etc.

Very simply, it accelerates a change in a girl’s perception of herself, and funneling her more quickly into the arms of higher status males.

It is a subtle but definite sort of thing to watch a girl change her perception of herself. She may be only a high 6, but if she gets enough traction on her photos, with people liking here posts and following her… She may soon start to believe she is a 7… and if it continues, she will believe herself to be an 8.

How does this phenomenon relate to a normal guy? Briefly like this:

  1. Guy’s coolness is at the girl’s level of beauty, according to her standards, so she accepts him as social-worthy. She is an attractive girl, let’s say high 6 or a 7. Guy is roughly the same on the male scale.
  2. Girl begins (at whatever point) to post photos on Facebook and Instagram. She didn’t use to do this (for whatever reason) but now she does.
  3. Girl attracts a few followers and likes, then a few dozen followers and likes, then a few hundred followers and likes. She begins to spend more time on the photos themselves to make sure she appears her best.
  4. Girl’s follower and like numbers reach the thousands and then become an attention point in her mind. She now has a quantifiable number of guys who by virtue of their interwebz thumbs-up have indicated to her that she is beautiful.
  5. This new mentality spreads like a cancer in her brain. She now begins to view herself as more attractive than the high 6 that she really is. She begins to think she is a 7.5
  6. Girl pays more attention to her fashion and looks, and as a result, gains more likes and begins to cultivate the attention of guys in the high 7-8 range– guys with better looks, more social status, or more money than her previous guy friends.
  7. Girl begins to pay more attention to these higher value guys (who wouldn’t?), and less attention to the lower value guys, as her perception of herself and her status changes. Keep in mind this is all fueled by her social media expo.
  8. Girl begins to view herself as a high 7, then as an 8… after all, the guys around her now are that cool.
  9. Girl is too high status to accept guy 6s and 7s anymore. Some are good to keep around as beta orbiters (and for posting photos of her latest night out! omg), but she now is under no compunction to associate with them because to her, she has increased in beauty status while they have stayed the same in coolness level. So she delays responding to their messages or stops completely.
  10. Guy loses the cute next-door neighbor girl, as he is no longer cool enough. His coolness does not match her hotness, in her mind. She ‘doesn’t have time for him’ anymore.

This is the phenomenon that is ACCELERATING because of Facebook and Instagram.

To clarify, I’m not saying it did not EXIST before (as women are always keeping track of what kind of men want to talk to them, and where they are in the totem pole). I am saying that with likes and followers, girls are beginning to believe themselves more beautiful more quickly– which more quickly takes them away from the lower status guys towards the higher status guys.

Remember: the sweet, ridiculously beautiful virgin girl in a remote village– she now has a smart phone. She now has Facebook and Instagram. She can now be found by any higher-status guy– without them even leaving the couch.

Justin Bieber can simply peruse Instagram and find and bang all the remote village virgins he wants. Girls’ ascent up the social ladder by virtue of their beauty is accentuated and fueled by their online presence, on display to the world.

No girl is too far off now… Many of them are starting to want to be models and actresses. Or date celebrities.

The average Joe’s dream of a hot, innocent housewife is becoming more rare than finding an unspoiled peach among a nest of squirrels.

The Feeling Of Fascination In Erotic Love Is Not Love

I tuned in with eagerness at Heartiste’s International Truth Day 2nd Edition.

I suppose I should say that I am a little bit surprised at his last sentence:

love is easily missed, carelessly denied, fleetingly intense, nakedly vulnerable… and for all these reasons it is more precious than anything else in this world.

At first, I thought it a nice way to end a flurry of pithiness.

Then for a moment, I thought he had gone all Paulian on us (1st Corinthians: “The greatest of these is love…”).

Wait, Heartiste gone Paulian? NAAAAAAAAAh.

So then… What constitutes this thing which is more precious than anything else in this world? Let’s see…

the meaning of life is still to fuck

Ahhh, there’s the rub.

To Heartiste (and to the aesthetic) a sense of fascination sits on the throne, an offshoot of which is the feeling of erotic love, culminated in the bio-chemical party known as the orgasm.

The relative, psycho-socio-biological fittedness of a man and woman interacting on an erotic plane (both during the sex act and around it, as in dating / push-pull / banter / intimacy, etc) thus reaches a high plane, at such a resonance and profundity that we feel it is ‘more precious than anything in this world’.

I invite you the reader, to consider the approach to life as offered by this point of view.

What, exactly, is the ‘Love’ he is talking about?

On the dropback of a life on the aethestic plane, and the feeling of fascination in erotic love as the meaning of ‘Love’. He says it, ‘The meaning of life is to fuck.’

Contrast this to the (real) Paulian version (1st Corinthians 13)

Love always protects, always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails. (v. 7-8)

Love according to this spiritual tradition is something far deeper and more profound than the feeling of fascination in erotic love.

Love protects, hopes, trusts, perseveres, and doesn’t fail… even when there aren’t orgasms to be had.

Love

English speakers basically only have one word for love, and it adds to the confusion. Greek (the language of the New Testament) has at least 4 words for love. And I recently learned Arabic has 21 words for love.

The word Saint Paul uses is ‘agape’, which means the special a seeking of the good of another person. It is presented as the meaning of life. It is love with a capital L.

The word Heartiste uses is more like ‘eros’, which is the fascinating interplay of sexual love between a man and a woman. This erotic love may come into play in a relationship, particularly a romantic one. But on it’s own, it is not identical to Love with a capital L.

Heartiste indeed is on to something here:

love is easily missed, carelessly denied, fleetingly intense, nakedly vulnerable

Yet I would hope that somewhere this love–when not missed, and where fully embraced– is the kind that when experienced, is totally OTHER. It is an invitation of something BEYOND the level of ordinary erotic fascinations.

Yet if we keep calling everything ‘love’, we might miss it: Love is not love.